Stop F*cking Saying: "Vajayjay" and "No Worries"

Oftentimes a phrase, idiom or word catches on among the mainstream and people start to overuse it...and I begin to seethe. Usually I can't really put my finger on why one word or phrase irks me so much over another, it just does. I've decided to start sharing my grievances with you lucky people because there aren't enough blogs out there on which random dorks at the keyboard air out their menial complaints to the masses.

Let me apologize in advance to anyone who I might offend. Often it's people in my personal life who I hear using these phrases, many of whom are devoted Preashers. Sorry, it's my own crazy hang-ups, not a dig on you.

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Stop f*cking saying "vajayjay".

It's not a cute, impish way of referring to a vagina. It's stupid. An intelligent, quirky relationship expert came into the Stern Show yesterday and casually dropped "va-jay-jay"...it gave me douche-chills.

It all started when some writer from Grey's Anatomy decided to write it in as dialogue in an episode. The head doctor chick was in labor and didn't want the out-of-the-closet-in-real-life doctor peeping her nether region. "O'Malley... stop looking at my vajayjay!" (I actually used to watch the show at that time.)

Then annoying people like Oprah and Tyra Banks started to say it. If you don't watch The Soup, your a dummy. If you do, you've seen the infamous Oprah line which inspired a short-lived segment on the show.



Now people like your crazy Aunt Karen and the gay dude shopping with his girlfriends at the mall think it's okay to drop "vajayjay" in everyday conversation. It's not.

Anyway, I can happily say I've yet to hear someone say it in real life (knock on wood). But if I do, I can't promise that I won't go completely past the douche-chills phase and end up uncontrollably douche-vomiting.

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Stop f*cking saying, "No worries."

When I was living in Austin, the cool, hipster thing to say was "Right on." Not in the old school 60's black militant way or the manly, beer-guzzling 70's way. People would say it in a high-pitched, it's-all-good manner. You know it if you've heard it.

Well it seems to me that "No worries," delivered with the same intonation, has become the new hip guy "Right on." And it pains me.

When I go out of my way to thank someone, I don't want to hear "No worries." I wasn't worried, buddy...I was thankful. That's why I said, "Thank you." But now I wish I hadn't. Even a "you bet" or "no problem" would satisfy me...but not "no worries."

Perhaps it's the word "worry," because I also despise the phrase "Don't worry about it" in a certain context. If I ask a favor of someone or apologize for something, I'll happily accept a "Don't worry about it." But when I ask you a question and your reply is, "Don't worry about it," don't be suprised if I try to get you in a rear naked choke. Again, I'm not worried, you condescending prick...I'm curious. Hence me asking you a question and stupidly expecting an intelligent reply.


Not worried

I've just learned that "No worries" is a common Australian phrase that has somehow started to catch on here. So unless you're rocking a short-sleeved khaki shirt, matching short shorts and are happen to be walking around with a koala on a leash, save your "No worries" for the next guy.

You're welcome.